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I do not know what the caption means, I do not know what life means, I do not know what world means, I do not know what love means.... I do not know anything, nothing, everything, nobody, somebody, anybody.... Well that is what this is , do I even know what I am writing here??? How does it feel when life backfires on your face, how does it feel when everynight you go to bed, you got a thought in your mind, when you wake up, you think exactly the opposite... how do you feel when you know within yourself that you are an extremely vulnerable, defenseless, susceptible, and you hit rock bottom... you find yourself probably 10 feet inside the ground, you itch on doing things you cant do...you wish on a million things which dont happen... you like the glossy outside picture, but you feel sick, franctic, frenzied from within.... You know your true self from inside, you can hide that from the world - at the same time you run from yourself... What do you do when you see your inner conscience laughing at you... I wouldnt say laughing, but I would say ridiculing, mocking.... Its insane, I dont know... It is like the world is at one end and you at the other.... it is like my nerves my heart, my brain, my body is all strectchin two ways apart... and pulling you down... What do i do, what do i do, what do i do.... its like a bell that rings for eternity...

If you fear the men who came by the boat, fear also the men who came by vote!!!

Views, Outlook, analysis, scrutiny, feedback, statements...loads of them over one week. The attacks at Mumbai are the hot topic, they need to be, 10 men brougt the city to a standstill... 10 is the number given, dont know how many there were... Post the incident we saw a lot of top heads rolling, the ministers resigned, no one had any answers to what had happened... No one wanted to be answerable, they saw resignation as a way to get out of all this.... this doesnt solve our problem does it?? Are we safe?? Answer - a big NO!!! I heard this today : " All the top politicians have security, and if the government cant give us security, give us our guns so that we can protect ourselves". It is really lucid... politicians, are not doing anything-the opposition blames the party in power, does not want to do anything about the situation. I know one thing, even if the opposition was in power, the same things would have happened. We dont have good options to choose from, all want the power without responsibility.... I am sorry to say, I am ashamed of people in politics today... They let the country down... :-(

Expectations

Expectations - One of the most common topics of discussion. Everyone has expecations, parents from their children and vice versa, people in relationships have expectations from each other.... Talking about the latter, the lady feels man always has a lot of expectation from her, the man feels the same.... Talking about it to my best bud about issues confronted, i came up with a conclusion that the most vital thing to do at anytime in a relationship is to sit down and converse... converse, with an open mind, be ready to listen, hear out your partner.... Looking into a lot of arguments that people have in relationships, most of them are unnecessary, useless... Only if you could sit down and talk and come to a mutual conclusion all of them can be avoided... if not all most of them... Love with happiness is important, as one of my friend writes up her blog, I agree... happinees is the most important thing, but the road to happiness has seldom been thought about...
Being Negative about fights is the worst thing you can do... cos fights happen due to expectations that are not met... It would be more sensible to think about how to avoide the situation going forward, making your point clear, in the most amicable way... than brooding about the past... Committment... If you are in it commit to it, dont think about anything else... this is it... aggression is desired to the maximum.... Work on a relationship... its for the good, look forward and look positive, and trust me it pays over the long run.... Work together cos its about you and someone else... trust the person you are with to understand you-the aggression comes in there... And always believe that no one is perfect - all can be wrong... everyone... Its you who make the best out of your partner, dont give up on him/her... if he/she is the one...

Might sound like a stupid write up... implement these... it does all a world of good... Parents, Girlfriend, everyone!!! Cheers!

???? Clueless!!!

Haven't blogged in over 2 months, I have the guilt within me of not blogging. It has been a rough ride over two months, tides turned, situations confronted me I saw a lot of happiness and a lot of sorrow. I was talking to my friend yesterday, and yes we picked on the most common topic relationships.... Discussing for about half an hour, I was in office-8:30 PM it was, I was tired after 12 hours of work. Concluding , we decided that all relationships have issues, and the ones who say they dont are faking. Loads of thoughts came up, loads of issues come up, the most commonly being expectations. I realised on thing at the end of it, expectations are very different from wither end, the man and the lady.... No 2 individuals in a relationship are similar, cos no 2 individuals are similar... basically signifying, however good the relationship is, the people in it are no way similar... each individual is different and it is undersanding, that is the basis of the relationship.

Culture Curry!!

With all the mess in life that is happening, I have finally managed to develop a new hobby. My mom is proud of it... but is worried I would forget the GMAT and spend half my time in the kitchen. I am so into cooking now... Over the weekend, we prepared, south indian Vathakozhambu (hope i spelt it right) and Chicken Hyderabadi. It tasted awesome... I need to move into some other styles of cooking... I wish my brother-in-law reads this post, he would be proud of me!!!! Slurrrp!!!

Mind & People....

Is understanding someone so difficult??? Why do people say they understand you, but later you feel they dont understand you one bit... Why do people, do things that you dont like saying they are doing it for your good... Why do people, be happy with you, but the moment you expect something out of them , they do exactly something, that you dont want... why do people,who you like make you feel so empty... why do people, not do what they feel and do things, for others... why are people so confused, and not know what they want... why do people, think one rough patch is the end of all... why do people not know how to handle confrontations... why do people be partial and take you for granted... why do people make you feel shallow and demeaned as ever... why do people not understand what is right/wrong, and still claim to be close to you... why do people, want something and do something else.... why are people so not prone to changes... why dont people get over the past... why dont people want to accept reality... why do people set double standards... why do people do and say things for the moment, and make all extinct the time the moment is over... Why do people, while knowing you still say they dont know you... People... and the mind... the 2 biggest traitors in life!!!

The appraisals....

Its been a long hard one and half years for all of us, from the Sept 4th batch, the most wanted(for all the wrong reasons)... It has been a mxed experience for all of us. A lot of talk has happened on how, good /bad the apapaisals would be... Patni is a low payer than all other IT companies in the market.. and with the market being low we didnt know what to expect... It has comee out well, for me atleast with money not being the criteria... I wanted a good, name, a good rating an I got it.... good appraisals in my terms, a wee bit disappointing, with probably justifiable reasons... So we went and celebrated... on friday night, in a pub called XTC. We were regulars, there, had a lot of fun... Arun, myself Anubhav, Vishwesh, and Sudipta A.k.a Dada... All's well, the aggression is on, going forward, would be a new page in the book... A lot of me that people dont know, is going to be seen... I think Govind, knows that, and Arun knows. With high hopes, I head into the next year... :-)

Ronaldo-Will he move???

I wished for a holiday today, it didnt happen... Finally the traffic got to me this morning... I am in a little different state of mind, with respect to yesterday, probably cos it is a Monday morning. The Euro's have kicked off, I am rooting for the Portugese and the Azzuri's. Portugal, has played its game, won it... the Azzuri's face the dutch tonight. I was going through the articles, about the portugese victory, about Ronaldo being given the captain's arm band. I am proud about it, he is a Manchester United player. I have the Red Devil Blood in my veins. The question being, he wants to leave, and wants to leave to a club called Real Madrid, which I hate only for the reason that it regularly buys, the best players from Manchester United... I am a little, wary about this transfer, I dont want Ronaldo to leave... He needs to be at this club, he needs to stay here, for himself, for the fans, and for the club...!!!! Just hoping, Ronnie, is wise, and stays back at Old Trafford.. after all we won the double this year.... Sigh!!!

Rains the arrives :-)

After a torturous 3 months with the heat, the rains have finally hit Bombay... and me is the elated!! We have been bracing oursleves for this for a while... Thursday was the day, when the rains hit Mumbai, and brought along with it... traffic. It took me a couple of hours plus to reach, home, but the weather overshadowed the disappointments of the delay. Friday, was normal, not too bad. Drinks with the boss was accompanied by a little bit of rain. The weekend is worth mentioning, it was raining all the time. I promised De that I shall not talk about my Saturday afternoon with her, but, I cant help myself. Im sorry De. She dragged me across half of Thane, in the rain, lost her moms umbrella, made me buy one as well. Apart from all this, convinced me to have Pani-puri in the rain. Sunday it is today, its rained a lot more than any of he previous days... I wrote my mock and came back for lunch, only to find, the dry, drab neighbourhood of mine was lush green. I couldnt help myself from taking a few Photos:::!!! This ones the one from my room on the 7th floor. We got wet in the rain as well, had a nice kilometer walk in the evening, after getting drenched. I have not loved the rain more. I am just waiting to see what the month brings along... Sunday night, we are all praying, for a holiday tomorrow.

The last leg of a long vacation!!!

Here I am.... Coimbatore Airport... my flight is late... I have had a long and hard day... My sister just got married... I have been up since 4 AM... I have work tomorrow... and i dont see myself reaching home befor midnight....Sucks... at the same time... I am elated abt a good long vacation I have had... though it has not been a vacation of sorts... I reached into CBT on friday morning with KLZ who accompanied me for the wedding... I guess we came to a conclusion that night on the train... We joined school together cos we were destined to meet.... After a rickety ride on the train with no sleep at all, we spent the day doing actually a lot of work... which evantually felt like nothing... it is probably confusing.... What I am saying though is what I mean. Dad me and him checked into the hotel.... slept like a log till the evening. We then headed out for dinner, evantually ended up into this funky Pub call Psychedel... 3 of us were in there for about, 2 hours... and probably my dad rocked the most. We finished at around, 11:30.... stepped and and went on a tour to find a place to eat... We f ound one, evantually headed home at 12 ish... Next day... whoo... loads of work... running around.... then the wedding... i think the best event in life... My sister... we are more like own brothers and sisters... it was cool... awesome, traditional... the celebrations were ecstatic... tears rolled down the eyes all uncles and aunts... i think it came right down from the heart.... there were a couple of conclusions from the wedding!!!!

- Would the rest of us get married like this... I mean its cool, but its also, a little, strenuous over 3 days....
- I am tired of food... I have been eating and eating and eating and eating..........

its 8 now... I think I shall finally board in half an hours time... If I dont... I shall write another post .... sigh....

Vacation - Part 1

With a close to heavy head...( Office issues getting to me)... I came into Chennai on the 9th.. I truly needed the break... I had a couple of friends on flight... so the journey, was better than usual ( I am way to restless even to sit for a couple of hours)... My vacation so far, has been everything but the usual... Sleepless nights... and no friends, is something that I have not been used to.... the day after I landed i was, at the airport again, in the afternoon... I saw Priety Zinta... no guesses why she was heree... Her team was playing Chennai's team here.. Chennai Super Duper kings as we call them.... At the airport, it seemed that every car, cab , rick was heading towards our place... (there were a lot of people at home and a lot more expected)... occasion being house warming function of my new house.... this function rolls over to another one... My sisters wedding in coimbatore on Sunday... The crowd hence, moves on from Chennai to Coimbatore... feels a bit like MTV roadies.. all but a few move on from one destination to the other.... Over the last 3 days... I hardly have met anyone, apart from the beshtest... KLZ.. We been out 3 evenings... one evening out for dinner with nooshi and pratu... Yesterday, we watched, this movie called Kuruvi... Shit man... the most daring thing i have done on the trip.... Dad myself and KLZ move on to coinbatore tomorrow.... Wedding details to be updated!!!

Memories:

I just thought of the first incident last night at dinner, and it brought me back a lot of old time memories:

- Beer mixed with pepper and salt - Shreya - Zanzibar
- I lost my phone battery cover - Nikhil - Speed
- French fries at 4 AM - Shreya, you definitely know when this was.
- Anna.. Burger na 2 bun - Nikhil - Eatalica - not difficult to guess what state I was in...
- Bollywood night - Bikes - Shreya and Neha and Mahaneeya without her purse...(She lost it)
- Akka Kadai - third Sem - Saturday - Special class - Ciggy... - Paul - One moremysterious person
Thats all i would like to mention... though there are a million more... I miss you guys big big time!!

Dilli!!!

Ok.... Holi it is...and I guess I am at the place where I need to be... Delhi!!! I hadn't been to this place for about 15 years till day before yesterday... Its ok.. Im ok with the place... though I am doing a lot of lazing around... Landed in at 11 PM... on wednesday... slept and got up at 11 the next morning...nice feeling when the rest are workng their asses off at work..... I was at home till afternoon... and then headed out to the parliament house in the evening.. the house seriously kicks some ass.. Uncle's the Director of External Affairs in the Parliament house... courtsey to him I got an entry into the Lok Sabha... its awesome...... Came back home at 6 in the evening.. Had dad's friend and his children coming over, for dinner... As I expected.. Shiuli, Zebu (Dad's friends children) and I headed out separately to TGIF... I got back to their place at 1:00... I was up till 5 talking to them... Havent slept... That ends Day 1 in Delhi... I have lazed around throughout the day... Went for a drive with uncle in the evening... There are people home.. who keep mentioning the fact that wen they saw me the last time, I was 3 years old!!!... its funny, but its ok... I am all set to play Holi....!!!!

A mixed bag of emotions!!

There is too much happening around me at the moment... Stuff at work, is back to as normal as it was... the mentor sorted shit out, like nothing had happened...That's so the usual.... Arun and I back on normal terms again... I have the senti message he sent me saved in my inbox.. He is so sure he is gonna repent it for life... that is the high for this week... things are back to square one, I love my work, and love my team... in good spirits for the BU meet tomorrow... This is all yesterday - the happiness in giving Ms. Soumya the news that she was on the waiting list for glakes was clubbed, with the sorrow that I wasn't... Skit is on for the BU Meet... there is a lot of masti happening... The low's..... Dad s terribly unwell... Delhi trip seems to be scrapped for now though mom is pushing me to go ahead and take a break for 4 days.... Its not about Delhi... It s about spending some quality time with folks that i really wanted to... Anyways, thats heights of confusion... TISS interview dates are out... 15th April it is... a month to go... I have been there earlier, but didnt make it, so thats a worry on how TISS is gonna come through... If TISS doesn't I am happy with work, i would love to be here for a year... at the same time, would want to get into TISS, have been gunning for this for 3 years now.... All this is one day, is too much to handle... Arun was trying his best to make me smile... Appreciate the efforts of the guy... I finally did... I know I need three persons now around me to talk to... Mr. KLZ - He's in Mumbai on Saturday... Apart from him I dont think ill get to talk to the other 2 ... Ms. Silveranklets and Ms. Schmetterling... Miss you guys...

Screwed, Confused!! grrr....

I am in a sad state at the moment... One of the days when i really want to pen down exacly my state of mind at the moment... Frustrated, irritated, confused, scared, angry, its all me at the moment... Glakes didnt happen, thought i gave my best interview of all times...Man United lost, a small low point over the weekend.... negligible... had a tiff with the boss... my mentor... the last thing i needed.... to sum it all up, a huge fight with this guy called Arun, my best bud, my closest over 2 years...I just hope i come through this, this has been so fa the worst weekend of the year...

Top Down Under

This is truly unbelievable.... I wrote of the Indian team, when the dropped, Sourav and Rahul for the tri-series.... The young team is fantastic... after all the spat the team has received, in Australia, they have responded, in the perfect way... The Aussies have been humiliated... Ricky ponting said that, his team wouldnt need 3 games to win the tri series... 3 games were not needed... it was all wrapped up in 2 games, not by the Aussies, but by the Indians... Sach was absolutely amazing, he was at his best.... The only sad part was, he was out in the 90's for the 7th time in last 1 year.... We seriously kicked some ass in the finals.... Team India has done us proud, we only hope that, the consistency remains..... I still hope Sourav and Rahul find a place in the team, they are, the best in Indian Cricket even today.... After the bachcha's won the World cup, we wrapped up in style.... Cricket has given us a lot to smile about over the last 3 days..... Hoping for many more to come!!!!

Mumbai=Delhi

This is awesome... the winters in Mumbai are finally awesome... the temperature's are finally on par with Delhi!!!!... its close to 9 degrees, in mumbai... sitting in my apartment on the 7th floor, its an experience to sit on the window , look at the highway below, and do the usual... its bliss!! I exist in 7 degrees... For a person who has lived in Chennai for the last, 8 years, where the temperatures, are hot hotter and hottest, wearing a jacket is unusual, the cold weather is unusual....They say the winters will run out by this weekend, i just hope it goes on and on, before the summers run in.... All say, that, Mumbai is a city of, surprises... finally the unexpected, weather, has proved all of them right yet again!!! I love this city of surprises, I love Mumbai!!!....